November 19, 2011 New Teasing: When Words Hurt
It’s no secret that teasing is a natural part of life for kids. But when teasing goes too far, it’s difficult for your child to differentiate between mean words and playful banter. The temperament and personality style of the receiver is a major factor in the equation, according to Dr. Fran Walfish, child psychotherapist and author of “The Self-Aware Parent.” “If the receiver is an exquisitely sensitive person, he or she may feel deeply injured by innocent teasing,” Walfish said. Teaching your child to assess teasing and address the behavior on his own can shape his ability to handle conflict in social situations.
Types of Teasing
Discerning between teasing and bullying is quite possibly the hardest social development step that children make during elementary school, specifically first through third grade, says Marie Newman, anti-bullying family advocate and co-author of “When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions.”
“Parents should coach their kids on how to identify whether another child’s actions are teasing, excessive teasing or bullying,” said Newman.
Newman defines teasing as lighthearted remarks about another that do not demean or humiliate a child. In some cases, teasing, also referred to as ribbing, is a natural way for children and adults to bond with one another. For example, a child may say to another child, “When you kicked that soccer ball really hard in the game, your tongue was hanging so far out, I thought it would fall right out!”
Excessive teasing takes lighthearted comments one step further. For instance, if a child adds, “Your tongue was hanging out so far, you looked dumb,” that changes the tone and interpretation of the comment, says Newman. However, chronic teasing can be just as harmful as bullying.
Bullying evolves when one child asks another to stop a specific behavior or demonstrates that she is upset, yet the behavior continues, says Newman. On the second occasion, it becomes bullying.
When Your Child Is the Bully
A tease here or there seems harmless to many parents, but when your child begins to exhibit signs of being a bully, it’s time for some damage control.
According to Marie Newman, anti-bullying family advocate and co-author of “When Your Child Is Being Bullied: Real Solutions,” children develop harmful habits quickly. “Children typically become bullies when they lack empathy and are allowed to be disrespectful to others,” Newman said. “Unfortunately, the child develops habits, which eventually lead to being a full-blown bully.”
Diffusing your child’s role as a bully begins with discussions about strength, as well as disarming aggressive, derogatory or mean-spirited behaviors. Newman recommends discussing the long-term effects and consequences of bullying with your child. “Discuss the recent national bullying crisis and its horrible consequences, help your child understand how bullying could lead to a life of crime, and demonstrate in many different ways that bullying behavior is anti-social, unhealthy and abnormal,” Newman said.
Dr. Fran Walfish, child psychotherapist and author of “The Self-Aware Parent,” suggests increasing your child’s awareness of the effects of bullying.
“Expand your child’s awareness of the impact of his behavior on others,” she said. “Teach accountability and be sure that, as parents, you model considerate, compassionate behavior toward others.”
Assessing the Situation
Regardless of whether teasing or bullying is intentional or not, the experience prompts your child to face his feelings. It’s not just about helping your child differentiate between teasing and bullying; it’s just as important to teach him to understand those feelings.
According to Dr. John Carosso, a Pennsylvania-based child and school psychologist, when teasing is occurring numerous days per week and making a child feel bad about himself, he needs to feel comfortable talking to a parent or teacher. But when teasing is entirely playful, parents may need to teach children to develop a thicker skin and a sense of humor about themselves.
“My goal is for the teased child to quickly disarm the teaser and possibly even form a bond that curtails future teasing,” Carosso said.
Rather than becoming defensive and emotional, Carosso recommends parents teach their children to respond with lighthearted comments, such as “You’re right, I trip over my own two feet sometimes. I need to practice more so I can run like you someday.”
Carosso says this approach can be remarkably effective. “It’s hard for the teaser to continue being rude after hearing such a lighthearted and complimentary response.”
Handling Conflict
It is inevitable that your child will face conflict in his life. Teaching him strategies to disarm conflict or seek help may curtail the damage of excessive teasing or bullying. “Help your child understand that kids who tease are starved for attention,” Walfish said. “Help your child know that it’s not the receiver but, in fact, the teaser who has the problem.”
Parents need to equip their kids with phrases to use when teased, Walfish said: “Teach them to say, ‘When there are two of us, it’s only funny if we both think so,’ or simply, ‘That hurt my feelings.'”
Newman recommends children laugh it off and walk away while offering the teaser a look of warning on the first instance to let her know that the teasing is unwelcome. If the teasing continues, your child should take the teaser aside when others are not around and ask her to stop.
“If the teasing is making them feel badly, it is likely bullying,” Newman said. “Let your child know that bullying is not normal behavior; it is not acceptable and should not be tolerated.”
The main goal is to provide an outlet or environment that promotes open communication. “Parents can teach their children to tell them, or a teacher, if they feel teasing has gone too far or if someone is threatening them with harm, becoming physical or making them feel intimidated,” Carosso said. “Usually this is relatively self-evident; the child knows when he feels afraid.”
Many schools have gone to great lengths to create a “bully-free” classroom environment, notes Carosso, by focusing on the unacceptable nature of teasing and bullying.
“It encourages others not to contribute and encourages the victim and classmates to seek out a parent, teacher, principal or guidance counselor,” Carosso said. “Kids can also be taught to not over-react, stay with groups, stay away from the bully and learn coping strategies to avoid becoming a victim.”
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November 19, 2011 Create a Great Living Room
The name “living room” says it all: You spend most of your home life in it. But you also welcome guests there; it is the most public room of your house and the one in which you want to make a statement and reflect who you are as a family.
You want your living room’s design to showcase your sense of style but still exude comfort and be long on function. Keep the room’s uses in the forefront, and add personal flair with design and decor for a room that both lets your family kick off their shoes and makes guests say “wow.”
In a great living room, function and design meet in one outstanding space.
The Big Picture
The first step in designing any space in your home is 
to determine your style. Begin by looking at photos of color schemes, furniture and floor plans to find inspiration, advised Marcia Prentice, a California-based interior designer.
“Once you have a good grasp on your design style, start putting together a plan for the design with furniture, accessory and lighting selections, along with a coordinating color scheme,” Prentice said.
Choosing a design plan involves assessing the scale, shape and mood of the room while allowing ample walk-through space.
“Oversize furniture in a small space commands the space and actually makes the room appear larger than its actual square footage,” Prentice said. “Start with the foundation of the room — accessories, light fixtures and window treatments are much easier to match to the furniture pieces than vice versa.”
Furniture placement could be a challenge, but it is a very important step in the design process, especially if the room has unusual architectural features that you want to spotlight.
“There are a few ways to highlight your living room’s unique architectural features, such as incorporating built-ins or having a custom sofa built to fit your unique space or to fit the contour of curved windows,” Prentice said.
Furniture arrangement also should accommodate how the room is used. For instance, the seating should be in a good position to see the television and fireplace but also allow for good walking patterns so the room does not become a maze of twists and turns.
“Flow and function are important when laying out any room, but challenge yourself to keep furnishings away from walls,” said Boston interior designer John Stefanon. “Allow them to flow in the room — a sofa doesn’t need to be under the focal window. Often, the layering of the room with respect to flow creates an intriguing space.”
Think outside of the box when placing furniture. For example, not every living room needs a sofa and a loveseat. Four comfy chairs situated around a large, interesting coffee table may allow for more seating and a better conversation area. How this idea works depends on how you use your living room.
The Art of Compromise
A remodeling or design project can test even the most secure relationship. How do you meet in the middle when you want inviting Tuscan and your partner wants Green Bay Packer glamor?
Gina Samarotto of the Samarotto Design Group suggested running with it. “A football helmet lamp might be an eyesore, but even his favorite football photos can be part of an elegant room if you make matte black-and-white prints and frame a collection in thick, architectural frames,” she said.
Take something he likes and showcase it in a way you love, Samarotto said.
A successful design project is about compromise, said Kerry Howard of KMH Interiors. That might mean giving up that lava lamp for modern lighting features that still pack a punch, but a more subdued one.
“When a couple works together on the design of a room, they must remember to give and take a little and meet in the middle on their design choices,” Howard said. “It is important for both parties to be happy with the spaces they create together.”
Basic Bones
A great living room design requires special attention to color and lighting. Consider the natural light in the room before determining paint colors, suggested Helena Alkhas, a San Diego-based professional organizer.
Choose which mood you are going for: cozy or airy.
“Darker colors will create a cozier, intimate space but will need help from lighter, neutral colors on fabrics, rugs and window treatments to help spread the light around,” she said. “Lighter colors will do the trick of creating a brighter, more relaxed environment.”
Mary Lawlor, manager of color marketing for Kelly-Moore Paints, recommended evaluating the room’s accents before choosing a wall color so that you achieve the effect you want.
“Homeowners should consider existing elements, such as flooring and furnishings, fireplace brick, lighting — both natural and artificial — windows and window coverings, room shape and ceiling height,” she said.
Typically avoid bright, pure colors, Lawlor advised. However, she added: “Some bold colors are worth using. Rich, warm reds such as [Kelly-Moore’s] Vegas Redrock, High Society and Potter’s Clay are widely popular today as they naturally complement the colors of flooring and cabinetry found in today’s home. They make a bold and fashionable color statement yet are easy to live with.”
On the other hand, neutral colors and earth tones offer those who fear color in broad swaths the option of a fashionable look. “These neutrals look fabulous with splashes of accenting colors that will satisfy those who love using color,” Lawlor said, adding that they’ll also help create a peaceful backdrop for family activities.
When you think about flooring, consider how your space will be used. If your living room is a high-traffic area for children and pets, the best choice may be resistant, durable and easy-to-maintain flooring, such as stain-resistant carpet or laminates and hardwoods.
Flooring is dependent on personal taste and geographic location, said DeAnna Radaj of Bante Design. Carpeting may provide warmth in colder climates, whereas low-maintenance, hard-surface flooring may work better for families with busy lifestyles. Choose the option that follows the function of your room but also works with its design style and mood.
“I prefer wood flooring and utilizing area rugs to help anchor furniture arrangements and add warmth to the room,” Radaj said.
Accents Make a Statement
Adding your own personal touches with accessories and accents makes a living room feel welcoming for family and guests.
Prentice suggested expressing your personal style with one major piece. “A great piece of art can elevate the living room design and become the focal point of the room,” she said. “Splurge on at least one item for the living room that creates the ‘wow’ factor.”
An inspiration piece also adds a personal touch to the room’s design. An unusual modern lamp, interesting throw pillows, centerpiece area rug or arrangement of framed photos make a big statement, enhance the focal point — or serve as one — and often become a conversation piece.
The key is to not overcrowd the room. If space is an issue, Alkhas, the professional organizer, recommended adding ottomans that can slide under a sofa table or bench that can be used for seating and storage.
“[Achieving] a clutter-free room is half of [creating] a pleasant room,” Alkhas said. “Make use of cabinets with doors to store toys and games. Once closed, your room looks clean and organized again and you can enjoy the space.”
Read more: Create a Great Living Room | eHow.com http://www.ehow.com/feature_12119576_create-great-living-room.html#ixzz1eBx6DqMX
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